Confussion
by Just Silence
Summary: oneshot, GWHP, GWDM. Ginny debates whether to give Draco another chance, making some important discoveries about herself along the way. no relation to my other story!


**Confussion **

****

Now you ask for a second chance. Now…you say you love me, then why didn't you love me back when I loved you? I have Harry now. He loves me and I love him. I can't love you after all you did to me. Not anymore. I'm not so young or foolish, not a girl now.

You look desperate. That usually looks pathetic. But your eyes show true love and pleading. Even when I know this shouldn't happen, every time I look into them I long to get lost in them and melt into them like I used to. But now I can't do that. And I suffer because I can't.

What should I do? Who should I choose? I seek for answers and find none. What if I make the wrong choice? Is there even a right and a wrong choice? Or is it just the difference between the brain's choice and the heart's choice?

My heart tells me to go for it. Just leave Harry and everything he's given me and run to your open arms and promises. That this time you really mean it. That we'll be happy together forever.

My brain tells me my heart shouldn't even be telling me that in the first place. That your promises may not come true. That you're probably faking it all again. That you'll hurt me just like you did before. That Harry is good enough, and more. I know my brain is right.

I barely knew you then, I know. Yet I loved you more than anyone's ever loved you. Thanks to you I learnt what love at first sight is. I loved you with all my being, did everything I could to please you, gave up everything for you. I gave myself to you.

And what did you do in return? You used me for your advantage, just to inflate your ego even more. You played around with my feelings, pretended you loved me back and promised me the world. You slowly started changing me, molded me to suit your preferences. You made fun of my innocence with your friends, turned my own blood against me. You cheated on me.

Yet you made sure I didn't notice your flaws. You tricked me, made me think I'd found true love at that young age, made me believe you were my soulmate. You made me think I was in paradise. Then, when I thought I couldn't be any happier if I tried, you swiftly took it all away like it had never happened. You left me alone and heartbroken and didn't even care. I had nothing left, no love, no happiness, no pride, no innocence, no trust, not even self-respect. Thanks to you. I'd have died, hadn't it been for Harry.

Harry came along and slowly, but surely, mended my wounds. He told me you weren't worth it. That no guy was good enough for me, but that he'd do his best. And he kept his promise. He respects me like no one else ever has, he's done everything he can for me. He comforts, helps and encourages me in every problem I face and every decision I take. He restored everything you took. He'd give up everything for me, even his life, even his soul. And I learnt to love him back. I can say I'm truly happy with him. Why then do I feel tempted to take your offer?

I must be crazy. I have the perfect man: He loves me like you never did, he's everything you could never even dream of being. Yet I want you. Why is love so weird? I want to understand it, but how can I when I don't even understand myself?

You say it'll be different this time. But it could be all a lie, and then I'll be tossed aside and lost again. One thing I know, if you had rejected me at the very beginning, like a decent person would, I'd give you a chance now. But not like this. No, Draco, what you did to me is something that can't be forgiven.

'No' I say as coldly as I can, so my feelings don't show 'You already had your chance. I have someone else now'.

I walk out of the room and shut the door behind me. Then the tears start flowing and I silently sink into them. And I hear you sobbing at the other side.

Now I wonder, is love what you truly feel? If so, then what made you change your mind? How did you realize it? Or are the sobs fake like everything else? If so, then why do you insist on trying to hurt me?

I'll probably never know.

I stand up, dry my tears and walk away. The sound of your crying fades, just like the rest of you. That's good. I'll leave everything about you behind and never look back. Ignore and extinguish every bit of love I still have for you. Run to Harry and forget this ever happened. Because that's the only way. To forget. And hope my past won't come to haunt me.

'What's wrong?' asks Harry seeing my tear-stained face. He's so caring. He's so loving. Any girl would die to have him and I'm the lucky one who does. He's the best anyone could ever wish for. Why then do I feel so empty?

'Nothing' I lie, pulling him for a kiss. He puts his arms around me and I bury my head on his chest.

He looks at me, his brown eyes full of worry. 'Ginny, you know you can trust me with anything right?' he tells me softly 'I love you'.

'I love you too' I reply.

Harry's told me he loves me about a million times. I always tell him I love him too.

But this is the first time I realize how fake my voice sounds when I say it.


End file.
